Vegetarians

Me:  I have decided we are embracing a whole foods plant-based diet.
Donkey:  Say what?
Me:  Yes, it's true.
Donkey:  When you say, "we," are you referring to the "royal we?"
Me:  No.
Donkey:  You mean BOTH OF US?  😱
Me:  Yep.
Donkey:  What about milk or cream in your coffee?
Me:  Gone.
Donkey:  Grilled cheese?
Me:  Sacrilege.
Donkey:  BACON?!?
Me:  Cardinal sin.
Donkey:  Does this mean ...
Me:  Yes.
Donkey:  😱
Me:  Congratulations, you are a vegan.
Donkey:  ICE CREAM?
Me:  Does it grow on trees?
Donkey:  Well, no, but...
Me:  No buts.  If I'm going vegan, so are you.
Donkey:  But...
Me:  Don't whine - you can't have any cheese with it.
Donkey:  Are we going to annoy all our friends with this?
Me:  Only the ones who need annoying.
Donkey:  I want a back bacon sandwich.
Me:  You only THINK you want a back bacon sandwich.
Donkey:  No, I am reasonably certain I want a back bacon sandwich.
Me:  You can have a BBLT.  Without the B's.
Donkey:  I think I just remembered, I'm having dinner out tonight.
Me:  I have spies. 👀