Prince Edward County Fibrefest

Donkey:  Tell me again where we’re going. 
Me:  Picton. 
Donkey:  For what?
Me:  To see Alpacas!
Donkey:  Are we going to buy stuff?
Me:  That depends. 
Donkey:  On what?
Me:  On whether I can reach your wallet. 
Donkey:  MY wallet?
Me:  Yes. You know all those worldly goods you promised to endow me with those many yonks ago. 
Donkey:  I thought you forgot. 
Me:  Right. No. I remember stuff that hasn’t happened yet. 
Donkey:  That’s not suspicious at all 
Me:  Just drive and hum along to the nice music.

Moving Furniture

Donkey:  When we bring those two bookshelves down from the spare bedroom, can I put some of my books on them?
Me:  No you cannot. You have four of your own bookshelves.
Donkey:  But mine are full.
Me:  What can we learn from this?
Donkey:  We need more bookshelves?
Me:  We need fewer books. 
Donkey:  Well I could probably clear out “a few” of your knitting ones…
Me:  Sure, and I could probably take the caps off “a few” of your highlighters. 
Donkey:  😱 That’s cold. 
Me:  I’d use the caps to decorate my Zen Garden. They'd be awesome interspersed with your potassium pills.
Donkey:  Icy cold. 
Me:  Love and war, Donkey. Love and war.

Doughnuts. Again.

Donkey:  [Calling on way home from dentist] Hypothetically speaking ... if the car drove me to Krispy Kreme, would you be interested in a doughnut?
Me:  Hypothetically, is the Pope Catholic?
Donkey:  Well, hypothetically speaking, would you encourage me to get a half dozen, or one each?
Me:  Hypothetically, a half dozen.
Donkey:  Thought so.
Me:  Each.
Donkey:  Whoa Nelly. Apple Fritter?
Me:  Yeh.
Donkey:  They've got Cinnamon Apple ...
Me: Hold on. Are we still speaking hypothetically? You just skidoo-ed past "hypothetical" with "they've got".  Yes to cinnamon apple.
Donkey:  Chocolate cream filled?
Me:  Abso-bloody-lutely.
Donkey: That's dinner sorted.
Me: That explains a hell of a lot. Donkey, you need a 12-step program.
Donkey: Well, we have to test your new molar.
Me:  You have no control.
Donkey: I don't hear any complaints from the other end of the phone.
Me:  I stand by my man.
Donkey: Ain't love grand?  

Shameless Bribes

Donkey:  Are you going to be a good girl at the dentist?
Me:  What’s in it for me?
Donkey:  I’ll take you to Shoppers Drug Mart afterwards and let you rummage through the fun size bins?
Me:  Oh sounds romantic.
Donkey:  You’re a cheap date.
Me:  No, if I were a cheap date I take you to Dollarama.
Donkey:  I can’t let you go to Dollarama anymore. You get into theological discussions there.  
Me:  Just drive, Donkey. Let’s get this over with as quick as possible and get to those fun size bins.
Donkey:  You know I’m going to have to go over to Timothy’s when I drop you off and buy a date square right?
Me:  I’m the one going for root canal. How come you get a reward?
Donkey:  Kismet. 
Me:  Opportunist.

Ice Cream Pizzelles

Donkey: 😋There are 6 wafer cookies left
Me:  Yeh so?😏
Donkey:  So it sorta behooves us to have ice cream sandwiches for dessert. 😋
Me:  Yes, but if we do that, there will be 2 wafers left and only one of us can have a sandwich tomorrow. Or whenever. 😏
Donkey:  I have an idea. 😃
Me:  I am quite sure you have. 😏
Donkey:  What if we make them “club” ice cream sandwiches?😃
Me:  I’m listening, Seattle. 😏
Donkey:  Do you want Nutella on one wafer?
Me:  Hell no. 😝
Donkey:  Banana chips?
Me:  No thanks. 😝
Donkey: Why not?
Me: bIf it ain’t broke...
Donkey: Okay, I’ll just “fix” mine. 

Potassium and Zen Gardens

Donkey:  My potassium pills taste suspicious.
Me:  Dunno what you mean. Suspicious how?
Donkey:  Sort of a chocolate aftertaste.
Me:  Sounds good!  They must have changed the formula... 😏
Donkey:  🤨 Not likely.
Me:  What are you suggesting?
Donkey:  I'm not 'suggesting' anything, only that my potassium pills taste more like, oh, I dunno,  orange Smarties ... than potassium pills.
Me:   🤔 Odd. So let's just say ... hypothetically speaking ... that someone swapped out your potassium pills for orange Smarties, what do you suppose the unsub would do with the real medication?
Donkey:  Are you saying you don't know?
Me:  Know what?
Donkey:  What are those little stepping stones in your Zen Garden?

Me:  Again.  What are you suggesting?

Donkey:  I can see why you might swap out my potassium pills for orange Smarties, because I may have been a little annoying of late, but using the potassium pills to decorate your Zen Garden is just cold.
Me: Well the BSU wouldn't think to look there ... oops 😬 .
Donkey:  Cold. Icy cold.

Trinkets and Baubles

Whilst perusing the latest issue of Vogue Knitting, I came upon a lovely necklace which screamed my name.  I chose to share my enthusiasm with this trinket.

Me:  Donkey, look what I found in Vogue Knitting Magazine. Isn't it lovely?
Donkey:  Oooooh, that IS quite nice.
Me:  Well I went to the website, and found it and guess what 😃
Donkey: vWhat? 😃
Me:  It's only $895.00!
Donkey: v 😱
Me:v What? Is that a problem?
Donkey:  😙 Good thing you have a picture of it in your magazine. You can look at it any time you want.
Me:  Don't you think I would look particularly fetching in it?
Donkey:  Of course you would.  You look fetching in "pop-it beads." You would not look fetching, though, wearing ONLY that, while sitting in a lawn chair. On the curb. With a FORECLOSURE sign on the house.
Me:  😐 Be careful what you say, Donkey, because it's going up on social media with a number sign in front of it.

"Susie" with White Diamonds

Deep Theological Discussions

Deep Theological Discussions always take place at bedtime]

Me:  Donkey? 🤔
Donkey:  Yeh?
Me:  Do I believe in predestination?
Donkey:  Why do you ask, my love?🙄
Me:  Got into a deep theological discussion today and someone asked me if I believed in predestination.
Donkey:  Where was this?
Me:  Dollarama
Donkey:  What did you tell them?
Me:  I told them I'd ask you and get back to them.
Donkey:  Yes, darling, you do.
Me:  Thank you, Donkey.
Donkey:  Do you want to know WHY you believe in predestination?
Me:  No. It's enough that you say I do.
Donkey: What if this person, in ... Dollarama ... asks you why you believe in predestination?
Me:  I'll give them your mobile number and tell them to text you.
Donkey:  How will I recognize their number.
Me:  I'll tell them to use a "number sign" deeptheologyquestion
Donkey:  That'll do it.
Me:  Thought so. Where would I be without you?
Donkey:  In an overnight pouch, FedExed directly to hell, without passing "GO" and definitely without collecting $200
Me:  Thought so. Just checking. Thank you, Heathcliff 😗
Donkey:  Any time, Kathy. 😗
Me:  Donkey?
Donkey: Yeh?
Me:  Did Adam have a navel? 🤔
Donkey:  I'm going to sleep now. Good night.
Me:   

Donkey's Fascination With my Knitting

Donkey:  Whatcha staring at?
Me:  I'm not staring. I'm reading.
Donkey: You're reading your knitting?
Me:  Yes. I'm reading it.
Donkey:  Because?  Is it a romance or a mystery?
Me:  Depends how you read it.  There has been an unfortunate plot twist.
Donkey:  I bet the butler did it.
Me:  All the evidence points to me. I think I killed it.
Donkey:  Can you fix it?
Me:  Not looking hopeful. It's lace.
Donkey:  So what are you going to do?
Me:  I'm taking one last look at months of work before I send it to the knorgue.
Donkey: "Knorgue?" Is that a word?
Me: It is now. Knitting morgue - "knorgue".
Donkey:  🤔Well you should probably not rip it out yet. Can't you ask Linda for help?
Me:  I could ... but I'll just look at it a bit longer. I've invested months getting to this mess.
Donkey:  Here I am cheering you on.
[Lapsed time: Roughly an hour]
Donkey:  Whatcha staring at?
Me:  My knitting.
Donkey:  STILL? 😳
Me:  No. AGAIN.😐
Donkey:  Is it still a big mess?
Me:  Nope. Fixed it.
Donkey:  So why stare at it.
Me:  I'm reading it.
Donkey:  Plot twist?
Me:  No. Happy ending.

Knitting Cruise And Tasting Yarn

Me:  I was checking out this knitting cruise online. Look at this room! And the amenities!
Donkey:  Is that price per night?
Me:  No. That's for the whole cruise.
Donkey:  Looks like we could have fun on that cruise.
Me:  Donkey, you don't knit.
Donkey:  Well is there a husband-dropping area for while you're knitting?
Me:  You mean like "Donkey Overboard!"
Donkey:  That's harsh, Jude.
Me:  Your heart will go on.  Or you could play shuffleboard.
Donkey:  I might learn to knit...
Me:  Pardon me while I fall about laughing.
Donkey:  Well I could use some of your stash.
Me:  Now wait just a cashmere-pickin' minute!
Donkey:  Well I could start my own stash. I'd give you my gift bag.
Me:   You wouldn't know what to do at a yarn tasting.
Donkey:  Yarn tasting?  Is yarn sweet?  How do you "taste" yarn?
Me:  If you do it right, yarn can affect all your senses.
Donkey:  Sounds cultish, I'm thinking
Me:  You keep thinking, Donkey. That's what you're good at.

B12 and Housework

Me:  The doc has put me on weekly B12 injections for 4 weeks then monthly for 4 months. I can't do any housework or dishes or ironing until they're done.

Donkey:  You probably shouldn't knit either.

Me:  Oh no, I can knit.

Donkey:  But your hand cramps...

Me:  I just have to avoid purling 7 together through back loop.

Donkey: ... 😏

Me:  Or 24-stitch cables.

Donkey:  Wait. What have you ironed recently?  Or ever, if we're being dead honest?

Me:  I just say "no" to ironing. And it's your perception that's wrinkled, not your clothes.

Donkey:  Do they have a vitamin that makes you want to iron?

Me:  If they do, I'll order you some.

Donkey: Thanks?

Me:  You're welcome.

Donkey:  I'm great sport for you, aren't I?

Me:  Yes, you are. 😚