All Roads Lead to Krispy Kreme

Brrrrrrrrinnnnggggg!
[Answering Phone]

Me:  Hello?
Donkey:  Just swung by Samsung and got refund promised yesterday.
Me:  Let me guess.  You find yourself at Krispy Kreme.
Donkey:  Oh, you're good.
Me:  We've been married nigh on 40 years, Donkey.  I know how you think.
Donkey:  So I was wondering, being birthday week and all, if you would care to join me in a pre-celebration doughnut.  Or two.
Me:  How is it that no matter where you go, you seem to find your way to a bakery/doughnut shop?
Donkey:  They doth beckon me.
Me:  Convenient, "Adam."
Donkey:  So, "Eve," you gonna join me?
Me:  On the road to perdition?
Donkey:  No, on the road to Krispy Kreme.
Me:  Yeh, okay.
Donkey:  That's my girl.

Quick Errand. How Hungry Are You?

Donkey out to Samsung Service Centre with phone.  It should be a quick errand and then Donkey will bring home dinner.

Brrrrrringgggggg!
Me [vaulting down stairs to answer phone]
BRRRINGGGG!
Me:  I'M COMING!!!  Hello?  (Seriously out of breath)
Donkey:  How hungry are you?
Me:  Why?
Donkey:  Just found the vexed place now and it's too late to have them look at my phone because I will be late for my doctor appointment.
Me:  I can wait until you're out of the doctor's appointment
Donkey:  But then I will have to go and pick up our prescriptions.
Me:  So??? (Still out of breath)
Donkey:  So how hungry ARE you?
Me:  Bellybutton sucking on backbone.  How hungry are you?
Donkey:  Very.  But I'm fasting.
Me:  Sucks to be you.
Donkey:  Seriously.  How hungry are you?
Me:  Your cat is starting to look tasty.

Donkey:  My cat is nugget-sized.  There's more meat on YOUR cat.

Me:  She's mostly fat.  And ornery.
Donkey:  She is that.  Remind me again why we got her.
Me:  Because she is adorable.  She just has cattitude.  It's endearing.
Donkey:  So I should come straight home from the doctor?
Me:  No.  Get the pharmaceuticals and then bring me soup and sandwich from Tim's.
Donkey:  Stay away from my cat.

Aversion to Cold

Donkey:  I'm cold. Can we turn on the heat?
Me:  No! Put on a sweater! I'm not turning on the heat in June.
Donkey:  But it's only 55 degrees outside.
Me:  June!
Donkey:  Fine. I'm going out to get some groceries.
Me:  Put on your parka. Don't want you catching cold.
[Later: Donkey still out shopping]
Me:  [thinking it *is* a bit nippy in here, cranks up the heat.]
[Later: Donkey home.]
Me:  Sweetheart, we need a chair out of the crawl space for the English family to use in the guest room.
Donkey:  I'll go get it.
[Substantial clattering and banging ensues. An hour passes]
Donkey:  I got the chair. I tried to squeeze it past the furnace but it wouldn't work, so I had to move the pantry cupboard from in front of the other opening, then move all the winter coats from the rail behind it, and got it through there and then I had to hang up all the winter coats and put the pantry cupboard back and SWEAT was lashing out of me.
Me:  🤭🤭
Donkey:  Don't you dare laugh. Did you turn on the heat?
Me:  🤭🤭
Donkey: You DID. You DID turn on the heat.
Me:  I was cold.😬
Donkey:  Oh. So when I'M cold ... in June ... I need to put on a sweater. When YOU'RE cold ... in June ... you get to turn on the heat.
Me:  I'm a delicate flower, Donkey.
Donkey:  I have another name for it. That makes you a [sensored].🤬
Me:  Oooooooh, Donkey! [clutching pearls]
Donkey: Just so we're clear.
Me: Donkey?
Donkey: What.
Me: It's hot in here.
Donkey: Shall I turn off the heat, Princess?
Me: If it's not too much bother.
Donkey: But what if I am cold?
Me:  It's June! Put on a sweater!

At Picton Fibrefest

At Picton Fibrefest after a respectable amount of shopping [sent Donkey off to browse the sweets...]

Me (whispering to vendor): my bag won’t close! I’d better stop shopping.
Vendor (also whispering): Take a load out to the car and then come back for another run.
Me (whispering): Why are we whispering?
Vendor (looking over my shoulder) 🤫😏
Me:  He’s standing behind me, isn’t he?
Donkey:  Yes, *he* is.
Me:  Busted. Wait, what’s in the bag, Donkey?
Donkey:  Is that a yarn bowl?  How many yarn bowls do you need?
Me:  I’ll let you know when I’ve got enough. What’s in the bag, Donkey?
Donkey:  Mincemeat plus nothing bad.
Me:  Awful big bag for mincemeat.  What else is in the bag?
Donkey:  Maybe some banana bread...
Me:  Absolution is sweet.
Donkey:  Not as sweet as the mincemeat. So we’re taking this out to the car then?
Me:  Mush, Donkey! The yarn bowls won't carry themselves!

Prince Edward County Fibrefest

Donkey:  Tell me again where we’re going. 
Me:  Picton. 
Donkey:  For what?
Me:  To see Alpacas!
Donkey:  Are we going to buy stuff?
Me:  That depends. 
Donkey:  On what?
Me:  On whether I can reach your wallet. 
Donkey:  MY wallet?
Me:  Yes. You know all those worldly goods you promised to endow me with those many yonks ago. 
Donkey:  I thought you forgot. 
Me:  Right. No. I remember stuff that hasn’t happened yet. 
Donkey:  That’s not suspicious at all 
Me:  Just drive and hum along to the nice music.

Moving Furniture

Donkey:  When we bring those two bookshelves down from the spare bedroom, can I put some of my books on them?
Me:  No you cannot. You have four of your own bookshelves.
Donkey:  But mine are full.
Me:  What can we learn from this?
Donkey:  We need more bookshelves?
Me:  We need fewer books. 
Donkey:  Well I could probably clear out “a few” of your knitting ones…
Me:  Sure, and I could probably take the caps off “a few” of your highlighters. 
Donkey:  😱 That’s cold. 
Me:  I’d use the caps to decorate my Zen Garden. They'd be awesome interspersed with your potassium pills.
Donkey:  Icy cold. 
Me:  Love and war, Donkey. Love and war.

Doughnuts. Again.

Donkey:  [Calling on way home from dentist] Hypothetically speaking ... if the car drove me to Krispy Kreme, would you be interested in a doughnut?
Me:  Hypothetically, is the Pope Catholic?
Donkey:  Well, hypothetically speaking, would you encourage me to get a half dozen, or one each?
Me:  Hypothetically, a half dozen.
Donkey:  Thought so.
Me:  Each.
Donkey:  Whoa Nelly. Apple Fritter?
Me:  Yeh.
Donkey:  They've got Cinnamon Apple ...
Me: Hold on. Are we still speaking hypothetically? You just skidoo-ed past "hypothetical" with "they've got".  Yes to cinnamon apple.
Donkey:  Chocolate cream filled?
Me:  Abso-bloody-lutely.
Donkey: That's dinner sorted.
Me: That explains a hell of a lot. Donkey, you need a 12-step program.
Donkey: Well, we have to test your new molar.
Me:  You have no control.
Donkey: I don't hear any complaints from the other end of the phone.
Me:  I stand by my man.
Donkey: Ain't love grand?  

Shameless Bribes

Donkey:  Are you going to be a good girl at the dentist?
Me:  What’s in it for me?
Donkey:  I’ll take you to Shoppers Drug Mart afterwards and let you rummage through the fun size bins?
Me:  Oh sounds romantic.
Donkey:  You’re a cheap date.
Me:  No, if I were a cheap date I take you to Dollarama.
Donkey:  I can’t let you go to Dollarama anymore. You get into theological discussions there.  
Me:  Just drive, Donkey. Let’s get this over with as quick as possible and get to those fun size bins.
Donkey:  You know I’m going to have to go over to Timothy’s when I drop you off and buy a date square right?
Me:  I’m the one going for root canal. How come you get a reward?
Donkey:  Kismet. 
Me:  Opportunist.

Ice Cream Pizzelles

Donkey: 😋There are 6 wafer cookies left
Me:  Yeh so?😏
Donkey:  So it sorta behooves us to have ice cream sandwiches for dessert. 😋
Me:  Yes, but if we do that, there will be 2 wafers left and only one of us can have a sandwich tomorrow. Or whenever. 😏
Donkey:  I have an idea. 😃
Me:  I am quite sure you have. 😏
Donkey:  What if we make them “club” ice cream sandwiches?😃
Me:  I’m listening, Seattle. 😏
Donkey:  Do you want Nutella on one wafer?
Me:  Hell no. 😝
Donkey:  Banana chips?
Me:  No thanks. 😝
Donkey: Why not?
Me: bIf it ain’t broke...
Donkey: Okay, I’ll just “fix” mine. 

Potassium and Zen Gardens

Donkey:  My potassium pills taste suspicious.
Me:  Dunno what you mean. Suspicious how?
Donkey:  Sort of a chocolate aftertaste.
Me:  Sounds good!  They must have changed the formula... 😏
Donkey:  🤨 Not likely.
Me:  What are you suggesting?
Donkey:  I'm not 'suggesting' anything, only that my potassium pills taste more like, oh, I dunno,  orange Smarties ... than potassium pills.
Me:   🤔 Odd. So let's just say ... hypothetically speaking ... that someone swapped out your potassium pills for orange Smarties, what do you suppose the unsub would do with the real medication?
Donkey:  Are you saying you don't know?
Me:  Know what?
Donkey:  What are those little stepping stones in your Zen Garden?

Me:  Again.  What are you suggesting?

Donkey:  I can see why you might swap out my potassium pills for orange Smarties, because I may have been a little annoying of late, but using the potassium pills to decorate your Zen Garden is just cold.
Me: Well the BSU wouldn't think to look there ... oops 😬 .
Donkey:  Cold. Icy cold.

Trinkets and Baubles

Whilst perusing the latest issue of Vogue Knitting, I came upon a lovely necklace which screamed my name.  I chose to share my enthusiasm with this trinket.

Me:  Donkey, look what I found in Vogue Knitting Magazine. Isn't it lovely?
Donkey:  Oooooh, that IS quite nice.
Me:  Well I went to the website, and found it and guess what 😃
Donkey: vWhat? 😃
Me:  It's only $895.00!
Donkey: v 😱
Me:v What? Is that a problem?
Donkey:  😙 Good thing you have a picture of it in your magazine. You can look at it any time you want.
Me:  Don't you think I would look particularly fetching in it?
Donkey:  Of course you would.  You look fetching in "pop-it beads." You would not look fetching, though, wearing ONLY that, while sitting in a lawn chair. On the curb. With a FORECLOSURE sign on the house.
Me:  😐 Be careful what you say, Donkey, because it's going up on social media with a number sign in front of it.

"Susie" with White Diamonds

Deep Theological Discussions

Deep Theological Discussions always take place at bedtime]

Me:  Donkey? 🤔
Donkey:  Yeh?
Me:  Do I believe in predestination?
Donkey:  Why do you ask, my love?🙄
Me:  Got into a deep theological discussion today and someone asked me if I believed in predestination.
Donkey:  Where was this?
Me:  Dollarama
Donkey:  What did you tell them?
Me:  I told them I'd ask you and get back to them.
Donkey:  Yes, darling, you do.
Me:  Thank you, Donkey.
Donkey:  Do you want to know WHY you believe in predestination?
Me:  No. It's enough that you say I do.
Donkey: What if this person, in ... Dollarama ... asks you why you believe in predestination?
Me:  I'll give them your mobile number and tell them to text you.
Donkey:  How will I recognize their number.
Me:  I'll tell them to use a "number sign" deeptheologyquestion
Donkey:  That'll do it.
Me:  Thought so. Where would I be without you?
Donkey:  In an overnight pouch, FedExed directly to hell, without passing "GO" and definitely without collecting $200
Me:  Thought so. Just checking. Thank you, Heathcliff 😗
Donkey:  Any time, Kathy. 😗
Me:  Donkey?
Donkey: Yeh?
Me:  Did Adam have a navel? 🤔
Donkey:  I'm going to sleep now. Good night.
Me:   

Donkey's Fascination With my Knitting

Donkey:  Whatcha staring at?
Me:  I'm not staring. I'm reading.
Donkey: You're reading your knitting?
Me:  Yes. I'm reading it.
Donkey:  Because?  Is it a romance or a mystery?
Me:  Depends how you read it.  There has been an unfortunate plot twist.
Donkey:  I bet the butler did it.
Me:  All the evidence points to me. I think I killed it.
Donkey:  Can you fix it?
Me:  Not looking hopeful. It's lace.
Donkey:  So what are you going to do?
Me:  I'm taking one last look at months of work before I send it to the knorgue.
Donkey: "Knorgue?" Is that a word?
Me: It is now. Knitting morgue - "knorgue".
Donkey:  🤔Well you should probably not rip it out yet. Can't you ask Linda for help?
Me:  I could ... but I'll just look at it a bit longer. I've invested months getting to this mess.
Donkey:  Here I am cheering you on.
[Lapsed time: Roughly an hour]
Donkey:  Whatcha staring at?
Me:  My knitting.
Donkey:  STILL? 😳
Me:  No. AGAIN.😐
Donkey:  Is it still a big mess?
Me:  Nope. Fixed it.
Donkey:  So why stare at it.
Me:  I'm reading it.
Donkey:  Plot twist?
Me:  No. Happy ending.

Knitting Cruise And Tasting Yarn

Me:  I was checking out this knitting cruise online. Look at this room! And the amenities!
Donkey:  Is that price per night?
Me:  No. That's for the whole cruise.
Donkey:  Looks like we could have fun on that cruise.
Me:  Donkey, you don't knit.
Donkey:  Well is there a husband-dropping area for while you're knitting?
Me:  You mean like "Donkey Overboard!"
Donkey:  That's harsh, Jude.
Me:  Your heart will go on.  Or you could play shuffleboard.
Donkey:  I might learn to knit...
Me:  Pardon me while I fall about laughing.
Donkey:  Well I could use some of your stash.
Me:  Now wait just a cashmere-pickin' minute!
Donkey:  Well I could start my own stash. I'd give you my gift bag.
Me:   You wouldn't know what to do at a yarn tasting.
Donkey:  Yarn tasting?  Is yarn sweet?  How do you "taste" yarn?
Me:  If you do it right, yarn can affect all your senses.
Donkey:  Sounds cultish, I'm thinking
Me:  You keep thinking, Donkey. That's what you're good at.

B12 and Housework

Me:  The doc has put me on weekly B12 injections for 4 weeks then monthly for 4 months. I can't do any housework or dishes or ironing until they're done.

Donkey:  You probably shouldn't knit either.

Me:  Oh no, I can knit.

Donkey:  But your hand cramps...

Me:  I just have to avoid purling 7 together through back loop.

Donkey: ... 😏

Me:  Or 24-stitch cables.

Donkey:  Wait. What have you ironed recently?  Or ever, if we're being dead honest?

Me:  I just say "no" to ironing. And it's your perception that's wrinkled, not your clothes.

Donkey:  Do they have a vitamin that makes you want to iron?

Me:  If they do, I'll order you some.

Donkey: Thanks?

Me:  You're welcome.

Donkey:  I'm great sport for you, aren't I?

Me:  Yes, you are. 😚